Reading: My somewhat complicated relationship with Gay Marriage.

I’ve got a bit of a troubled relationship with the push to legalise gay marriage. It’s something I’ve hesitated to write about because my views and opinions are not black and white, and I’ve been concerned that anything I write would come across poorly, and be so full of caveats as to be generally confusing.

Basically my views on legalising gay marriage can be boiled down to something like; Marriage equality is important, but should the LGBTI/Queer community be pushing so hard for inclusion in an institution that is (in my opinion) very problematic. I also worry about who is being marginalised and excluded by this movement. I get why gay marriage is politically important and relevent in terms of fighting for equality, but it doesn’t really change how I feel about the structure of marriage on the whole.

BUT, The Queer Kids of Queer Parents Against Gay marriage articulated this a WHOLE lot better than me, so read their views on it here.

Oh, and by the way, I know this isn’t totally masculinity related, but thems the breaks.

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7 Comments on “Reading: My somewhat complicated relationship with Gay Marriage.”


  1. I read yours and The Queer Kids of Queer Parents Against Gay marriage blog and I can’t help but think: all very valid arguments, all very interesting, but I have some gay friends who are BUSTING to be able to celebrate their love and formalise it in a legally binding ceremony, just like their straight friends. Currently they may only do so via a ‘commitment ceremony’ which is not legally recognised.

    I think it boils down to choice. One thing the QKOQPAM forget is that with the gay marriage agenda, no one is saying that gays should be forced to marry, or that gays are like straight people. Marriage should be about choice. Gay people should have the same choices that we straight people have.

    So what if the institution of marriage has issues. Marriage isn’t perfect, because people aren’t perfect. Let gays navigate the issues just like the straights do and let everyone choose how they want to celebrate their love and commitment in their partnerships, whatever form. Introducing gay marriage will not mean that gays can’t opt out of the institution. However NOT allowing gay marriage means there is no choice.


    • Thanks for your comment. I totally get that there are people for whom marriage in the traditional sense is important, and I’m not trying to deny them the right to participate in that institution. I guess my concern, and I belive the concern on the QKWQPAGM piece (while written in a somewhat polemic manner) is not the advocacy for gay marriage per se, but rather the great investment and weight that is being put into legalising gay marriage, part of me thinks there are other things that those resources could be advocating that are just as worthy.


    • I understand that gay couples want to be able to chose to marry or not and that if they are able to legalize their relationship then maybe more people will come out and society will accept gays more. There are a hundred reasons for and against. For example, I know many straight couples that have divorced one or two times and now, in mid life, if they get into a relationship then they are happy to just live together and not be bothered with marriage. I also have gay friends that say they want gay marriages to be legalized but they change partners once every 1 to 3 years, so would it be worth getting into a marriage and then the hassle of divorce?


  2. Understand where you’re coming from. I guess my hope is that my “maintstreaming” aspects of gay life there will be greater acceptance and therefore less issues (mental health, suicide, violence etc) and that even ‘coming out’ will be easier if society is more inclusive.

    Great thought provoking article by the way.

  3. homosexual Says:

    I’ve recently seen that video with the child who finds out about homosexuals’ marriage, and understands it. It proved me how simple things really are.

  4. Nio Says:

    I have many thoughts about this that I’ve not had time to share. However: http://kinseyconfidential.org/barring-samesex-marriage-economic-health-consequences/

  5. Dick Whyte Says:

    I do understand the suspicion around “traditional” marriage as an institution, for sure. But not every straight person who gets married is “traditional” in that sense either. For me it is about rights. Gay people deserve the same rights as straight people. And at the moment, marriage is the thing that gives people these rights in our society (ie. the right to be with your partner when they are dying, the right to power of attorney, and so on). And I also think that it doesn’t matter how fucked marriage is – it acts as a form of discrimination and fuels Christian hate when it is denied to ANYONE. So, either, start lobbying for marriage to be abolished altogether (for gays and straights alike) or we lobby for it to be for everyone. Either way, discriminatory laws have to go.

    Great post!!


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